Question?

Should I sit and watch how happy you are now that your with them? As you were just an hour ago with me all alone I quietly sat in the saddest of all modes I've ever undergone. Now that you have gotten me to fall in love with you and all your imperfections it seems as though you forgot you were in love with me. Have you forgotten the young innocent girl who's virginity you recieved almost four years ago. She's given you the most important years of her life from the beggining of her teen years through the process she's undergoing now of becoming a woman. You've made me feel that I need you and then when I realize I wished I had you in a certain moment you weren't there.So why is there so much happiness while others are around? Why pretend we're happy when the only time I've ever seen you smile is with them? I wonder is it that you were never really in love to begin with? Were you just scared of being alone, and why me of all the girls who still wished you were theirs? I've missed your real smile and luaghter. I've been withholding pain inside wishing that for once in all these years , your smile,  who can illuminate the whole room was because of me! And as these tears run down my face, and over my lips, as to where I can taste how sour they are I remember how much I used to smile with you but I can't remember your smile. Im thinking back that the only times we've laughed together , were times we were just playing around as teenagers.

I can honestly say I LOVE YOU AND IM IN LOVE WITH YOU!!! But are you still inlove with me?

Question is it because of the change my body took, or the fact Im now standing tall to defend myself all over again? I can sit all day and try to find an excuse but it's up to you to tell me teh honest truth!
What should I do continue wondering why or should I just act as if I don't realize it?
So Question, Do I make you happy or am I just wasting my time because whatever it is, it will never be uncovered.